Venti CEO Extra Shot of Dividends, Growth; Please

Can any one employee really be worth $22 billion? Brian Niccol can.

Mr. Niccol - who really needs to quickly and urgently update his LinkedIn - is the former CEO at Chipotle and now current boss at Starbucks. His new company stock ripped higher on the news and shares of his former home tanked on his abrupt jersey switch. Who knew takeout could ever be so exciting.

There are some big winners and losers. Activist investor group Trian literally demanded the board axe its previous CEO and today they sold their entire stake on the immediate pop and windfall. Bill Ackman reportedly got left holding the Chipotle bag after working double time to get Mr. Niccol the comp program he asked for. Oh, you can already sense the pending litigation that's coming a mile away. Pass the salsa; I'll take an espresso, prego.

Something tells me this won't be the last high-profile upper management change we see if this is the kind of results investors will pay for talent. If Mr. Niccol is worth tens of billions - and this man really needs to step up his social media presence; he has one (!) LinkedIn endorsement for his leading career skill ("advertising") - what do you reckon the open market would bear for Satya Nadella or Jamie Dimon. As short stock investors everywhere quake in their boots.

More than a few observers have pointed out in recent years that Chipotle is long on expensive and short on meaty ingredients. I could have sworn just days ago I saw a corporate pledge to fix that. Oh well; onto bigger and better things. Like chai tea herbal tea with a dash of oat milk. Ray Kroc must be kicking himself in heaven tonight muttering: "Dagnabit, Joan - I was early!"